Ranger's Treatise
by Kal Ancalas
Summary: You've always wanted to be a third jobber, but is it as much fun as it's cracked up to be? A bored and cynical Ranger shares his thoughts on the world of Maple Story. Not for the easily offended. Gah, I can't believe people are still reading this...[dc]
1. Social Status for Dummies

**Ranger's Treatise**

**By Kal Ancalas**

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**Author's Note**

**Yes, I've been off of the community for a long while. I stated that the reason was that I wanted to be a Ranger. That, and I had schoolwork.**

**Well, I still have the schoolwork, but I have reached my goal. At long last, I have become a Ranger.**

**  
Okay, I really don't want to spoil this story. Actually, it's not really even a story, per se. It's something I've wanted to write ever since I've turned level 70, but I haven't had the time or mindset to work on it. But now, I'm ready.**

**Basically, this is a series of essays, or treatises, on my experiences in MapleStory. I know some of you are cowering under your desks just because you heard the "essay" word. Don't worry. I am not going to be like one of those medical experts and write a 98-page report on endowoozywhatsitis. This is basically a collection of memories, thoughts, observations, and such, from a year and a half of experience. (I'm not sure if memoirs are permitted on FF, but if I posted this on FictionPress people wouldn't understand.)**

**I'm not going to ramble on and on anymore. I'll let the story do its work from here on.**

**And oh yeah, a late Happy Halloween to all. Candies are overpriced commodities! Don't waste your mesos on them! And when trick-or-treaters come to your house, offer them a bowl of candy. Hide glass shards in it.**

**See, I still have some of my comic ability left.**

**-Kal, November 1, 2006**

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Part I: Social Status for Dummies

Ranger. A word that has been with me ever since a year and a half ago, when I first learned of this thing called MapleStory.

Ranger. I've done it at last.

Ranger. Seventy levels of blood, sweat, tears, and vicious fights with my parents about how I'm wasting my time.

Well, yes. When I look back at those carefree years, mashing the Ctrl button on my keyboard, trying to gain experience just a little bit faster, it may have been silly. It does seem silly, at least in retrospect. But I still have those memories. Sometimes happy, sometimes sad, sometimes painful.

Ranger. It was what I once stared up at, and now what I am.

Ironically, my first character wasn't even my beloved archer. It was a warrior. I've always been inclined to create warriors in whatever web games I play. This one was no exception. I believe I played my warrior for about 35 levels, then made a bowman, the very same one that is now a Ranger, got my archer to roughly level 24 or so, then made a magician, played for 30 levels, became a cleric, and then I shrugged off MapleStory for a while. I really don't know why. Sometimes I look back and curse myself because I could have used that lost time to become Ranger a little bit faster, and save myself so much trouble.

After this sojourn from Maple for a while, I returned with a vengeance. I needed to become a Hunter. So I trained, became level 25, got a Battle Bow, and set off to Ellinia. I have lost count of how many mushrooms fell under my reign of terror. I have also lost count of how much money I spent on potions. But in the end, it was worth it.

I remember buying a 57 attack, 6 accuracy Ryden from some person for 500,000 mesos, in my late 20's. It drained me completely of all my life's savings. I had to sell my spare equips and ores, dumping them for a low NPC price, instead of selling them adequately later. But it was worth it. Oh, yes.

Many people have left Maple simply because "it gets boring after a while." Trust me. I would know. I have worked all the way up to where I am now without hacking, botting, or any other illegal method. (To be fair, though, I lent my account once, to a friend, and he botted me up by 25 percent. However, I changed my PIN after that, even though I might very well have become a Ranger in a week. Anyway, I've died several times, so I guess that makes up for the experience I've illegally gained.)

If you take a moment to go to El Nath, stare at the pros dotting the place. All of them, showing off their flashy third job skills, busting out huge numbers that you would think weren't even humanly possible, and just think. Most of those people are either hackers or third graders with too much time on their hands, anyway, but the knowledge that you could attain that level of excellence and perfection, if only you had the mind-set. I have known countless friends who have started Maple earlier than me and dropped it when they were in their 40's-50's. They could easily be level 80-90 now, scaring beginners and roaring on Zakum. Instead, their characters have been lost forever to time, what once could have been was no more.

Around my early 30's, as a Hunter, the third job advancement was released. I had seen videos of it on YouTube, of course, but I assumed that those flashy skills were going to stay in MapleSEA and the Asian versions forever.

Dead wrong. As soon as I received the patch, I was ecstatic at first, then my mood quickly deteriorated. I was level 30, maybe 31 at the time. For all I cared, the 3rd job advancement was only a legend. I could only stare up at those people and gaze in spellbound wonder. I was 40 levels away from perfection.

Indeed, as soon as the patch was complete, I saw a Ranger, level 80 or so. I don't remember his exact name, but sure enough, there he was, showing off for the little noobies, setting the poor snails on fire, strafing them, murdering them with Rain, and fending off the repeated trade and party requests, I am sure, for as long as he could until his patience wore out. As a matter of fact, this is something that annoys me to no end today. When I go off to the fields west of Henesys to relieve stress, I am bombarded with streams of "Train me pls, money pls, etc. etc." In the end, I simply create a party and invite no one, disable trade requests and whispers. It effectively ends the endless tirades.

But enough of that. Returning to the subject at hand, I watched him deal about 10k with Strafe. I don't remember the exact sum, but all I know was that his damage was at least 20 times stronger than mine. Even with my scrolled Ryden and maxed Double Shot, I could only deal out 600-700 damage at most. (Sweet irony that now, with a Golden Hinkel and maxed Final Attack, I can now deal up to 4000 damage with Double and almost 4000 with FA afterwards.)

In any case, I was overcome with awe. Simply paralyzed with wonder. I believe that that Ranger's fame level must have increased by at least ten points that day from amazed people like me.

The experience made me sullen for a bit afterwards, as I'm sure it did for a few other people. When you think you're on top of the world, bombing mushrooms with Arrow Bomb and then a Ranger comes along and screws you over with Arrow Rain, you're definitely going to feel a bit of depression.

I trained hard after that, going to the Wild Boars with a fury matched by few. I slaughtered them by the hundreds, amassing tons of boar teeth that I didn't even need. (Incidentally, this was about the time the Maple Items were released, and I never found a Maple Bow or Maple Soul Searcher. However, out of serendipity, I did find a Maple Bow at Ticks while training at Ludibrium in my late thirties.)

It's interesting to note my definitions of "pro" here. From level 1 to 29, anyone over level 30 was a pro. I saw endless mages using Thunderbolt and wishing I could do that too. (Little did I know that Thunderbolt was weak as hell until it was maxed, and was also a big waste of MP.) After I hit Hunter, I was on the top of the world, but I discovered there was a sphere of skill beyond the 30's. From then on, anyone level 40 or over was a pro.

I hit level 40 after training at Fire Boars. Ecstatic, I finally put on a Distinction, the dream of many young hunters because of its simply cool looks, took my Vaulter 2000 in hand, and with my Final Attack nearly maxed, I set out to wreak havoc on the good ol' green mushrooms west of Henesys.

Then, an Ice Mage came along, and I was screwed. No matter how hard I tried, Arrow Bomb simply could not trump Ice Strike. Frustrated by the experience (and having wasted countless Blue Potions while trying to KS the mage), I dashed off Retribution. Some of you may still remember it. It lies dormantly in this section.

This caused me to revise my outlook on "pro." From then on, anyone 50 or higher was a pro in my book. Basically, anyone ten levels higher than me or above, I considered a pro. Even today, I still think of myself as the third job noob, and I stare dreamily at level 80 Rangers who have mastered Strafe. Even after that, I'll probably stare enviously at level 90 Rangers who have maxed out Arrow Rain.

However, as soon as I became level 50 (Which I remember vividly, getting up an hour early to level.) I started getting something known as an ego. I showed off flamboyantly, and I wasn't afraid to do it. I was level 50! People were actually asking me to train them and give them money! Although today, these requests piss me off, I viewed them as a sign of skill. I didn't know any better, at the time.

There is a dividing line for the Hunter/Crossbowman that many are aware of. From level 40 down, you wear individual top clothing and bottom clothing. From level 50 on, you get to wear overall armor. (I quickly discovered that since NPC's sold the 100 Overall DEX scroll very cheaply, I turned out a 14 DEX Blue-Lined Kismet for only 350K.) That, I believe, is one of the clear-cut definitions on deciding whether an archer is "pro" or not, or at least "semi-pro."

Level 50 I was, and my head was considerably swelled, but the memories of Strafe still haunted me. If nothing else, I swore, I would be at least level 60 by the end of the summer, able to wield an Asianic Bow.

A tall order that was. Asianic Bows, if you will remember, were extremely hard-to-find and expensive, since only Tauromacis and Yeti and Pepe dropped them, both of which are extremely difficult monsters to deal with. (Now, of course, only Malady drops them. I believe Tauromacis drops the Golden Hinkel instead.) However, my bulging head, still full of pride, I believed I could take down the vile Maladys and find myself an Asianic Bow.

It was a classic Pyrrhian victory. I did eventually find an Asianic Bow, at level 52. 74 attack. (Which I scrolled myself and had a 10 and a 60 fail, thus dooming me for ten horrible levels with the infamous 80 attack bow.) However, the damage the Maladies caused to me were enormous. I spent hundreds of thousands of mesos on potion costs. I paid a high price for my exploits as well: I died twice. Nevertheless, I pressed on, finally reaching my goal (as well as finding a White Calaf and a Sapphire Slain, among other things.) My advice to prospective Level 50 hunters: Either stick with a very good scrolled Olympus until you become a Ranger, or go Asianic hunting in your very late 50's.

In any case, the aesthetics of my new bow overpowered its cruddy attack power. I threw myself upon those poor senseless mushrooms with more pride than I have ever had, blasting them to kingdom come with Double Shot, Final Attack, and Arrow Bomb. Good times, those, until some annoying Hermits and Dragon Knights had to ruin my fun. Nevertheless, becoming level 60 was one of the high points in my Mapling life, aside from becoming a Ranger.

That aside, I return to my original point, definition of the word "pro." Basically, most people follow a simple rule: If he's higher level than you, he's pro. If he's lower, he's noob. Simple enough. Sometimes, I wonder what goes on in people's minds when I step onto the fields of Henesys.

The first category of person I'll digress on is the Pure Noob. Pure Noobs, a.k.a Beginners, are just that. Pure, idiotic noobs who don't amount to anything. Level 1-15. The hobby of a Pure Noob is to seek out level 40 or above people and continuously barrage them with offers for party and money, despite that they are completely oblivious to the fact that the pro is merely there likely to relieve stress and is not in the mood to do a favor. That, and the pro is probably 50 levels higher than them, so they won't get EXP anyway. But no. They strive. They loot. Simply put, they annoy. I make it a business to ignore these kind of people, until finally I get fed up, party them for fun, lead them to Stone Golems, and get them killed.

The next category, that is not quite as bad, is the Pseudo Noob. These guys are level 20-30, and they are up there, thinking that they are on top of the world, killing mushrooms, until suddenly, oh snap, a pro comes along, stealing all their kills. They will then either disparage said pro with a series of insults and jeers, with the occasional snap of "I have a Level (insert big number here) character that can own your sorry ass." Don't think I'm bashing these guys too badly, because I used to be one of them, 40-some levels ago. However, these guys aren't great either. They are usually there to do the 99 or 999 Green Mushrooms quest, which is well and good, but if you want to hunt mushrooms, go to Ellinia. Anyway, you won't get anything from that quest except a few potions. They will beg for training at times, if need be, and they are not above a little defaming. Pseudo Noobs are usually mages or sins. (This is not intended to offend. It's just a simple observation.)

A third category that I'll mention is the Hacker. These guys vac mushrooms and snails for the fun of it. Then they blame the pro and get everyone to mass defame the unfortunate person. Personally, I detest these people. They are nothing more than the slime. Actually, scratch that. They're the shit of the bacteria that infects the fungus that lives on the slime. Any self-respecting pro would NEVER hack in a field full of noobs. Remember that before you start flinging defames, slander, and reports everywhere. (Besides, a false report can get you banned.) It is not pure coincidence that most of the Hackers happen to be Pure Noobs as well.

Another category that shows up at the fields west of Henesys often is the Pseudo-Pro. These guys are in the 4x-5x range. They can be any class, but usually they're warriors or sins. These guys run around, showing off their amazing abilities. For some reason, these guys usually have better attitudes than the Pure or Pseudo Noobs. I don't know why. Perhaps it's because they're closer to achieving level 70 than their lower-level counterparts. Or maybe they're smart enough not to piss off someone 30 levels higher than them. In any case, I like them. They're fairly nice, and they make good conversation.

The fourth category is the Almost-Pro. These guys, as you've probably guessed by their name, are Level 60 to 69. They are superior to all of the previous categories of people. When pros arrive, they're jealous. And they don't hide it very well. Almost-Pros, for some reason, are usually almost always sins. I don't know why, either. Maybe it's that infamous sin attitude. In any case, when a Level 70-plus arrives, the Almost-Pro will try to touch off a KS war. (In my 60's, I was a notorious Almost-Pro. My reflexes had advanced almost to the point that I could KS anyone without Arrow Rain or Eruption.) The Almost-Pros have it tough. They don't quite have the spunk to attain the flashy skills of the 3rd jobbers, despite their strength, but they still get barraged like crazy by the Pure and Pseudo Noobs. I feel sorry for these guys. Instead of training at Zombies and power-leveling to pro status, they choose to be show-offs, and instead end up being annoyed to their wit's end, while ending up getting KSed by a wayward pro anyway.

For those of you getting tired of this, relax. There's only two more categories left. The second to last, the Noob Pro, is for the level 70-79ers. Usually fresh from Nath, just having put their first point in Shout, Ice Strike, Shadow Partner, Inferno, or what have you, they aim to be as flamboyant as possible. And they come prepared. They disable whispers. They create a fake party to fend off party requests. They disable trades. Mostly, they aim to impress. And they usually end up doing so, at least until someone in the 100's comes along. I am of this group. It's fun, I tell you. One of the favorite stunts of this group is to dress up as a Pure Noob and beg for alms. When they are scorned, they pull out their 3rd job skills.

The last category is the Pure Pro. These people are the best of the best, usually Level 90 and above. They flaunt Zakum Helms. They are usually Dragon Knights or Mages. They wield Ice Strike and Dragon Roar mercilessly. And yet, despite the fact that they are 100 levels higher than most other people there, the Pure Noobs still insist on bugging them.

This part of my memoirs has somehow degenerated into a piece that should be properly entitled "Kal Ancalas' Encyclopedia of Maplers." I was afraid it would. It seems only fair that I promise a new chapter soon enough.

That is, if you're not too disgusted at this recollection that you immediately flame and report me, but oh well. You're entitled to your opinion.

-ZerPheonix74


	2. Why I Hate Zombies

Part II: Why I Hate Zombies

Ah, an update on the same week. That doesn't happen often, eh, especially when you have a hectic schedule like mine.

However, there is a limit to how long you can enjoy setting snails on fire and enduring catcalls from the Pure Noobs and Pseudo Noobs. Also, I have to do a 12-page report for English which I haven't started. Charming.

That aside, a personal note. Please review. If these recollections suck, then I'm sorry that I've scarred your little primitive mind for life. If they didn't, then please review and tell me so. Otherwise, updates will be slow. (Although they still will be, but not as so.)

This second part of my long, boring life story in Maple begins with a short story.

Me being level 71 and all at the time, I decided to have some fun and go to zombies. One would expect the rest of this story to be fairly uneventful: use a DM scroll, spam the channel for six hours, power-level, blah blah blah, yay.

Needless to say, it didn't quite turn out like that.

For starters, I forgot to buy Antidotes at the potion shop. As you can imagine, this put a sizable dent in my stock of Pizza.

Second, I died. Twice. While vac hackers were training at Yetis. Damn them all to hell.

Third of all, now being 15 percent lower than I was before even deciding to go on this rather now-stupid sounding quest, I finally reached the Forest of Dead Trees. Guess what I was greeted with?

"cc pls"

That was it. The sin in question didn't even bother to phrase out his statement, or even to add punctuation. (Not that I'm being the Maple Grammar Police all of a sudden, but rude people tend to have no respect for language.)

Of course, I was more than a bit steamed, but I really wasn't in the mood to argue. So I merely obeyed the idiot's request and "cc"ed.

For ten minutes straight.

A bit of simple arithmetic here. There are four Forests of Dead Trees in Bera. There are also 20 channels in Bera. 20 times 4, last time I checked, equals 80.

Now, I know that a lot of people play on Bera. I also know that most of those people happen to be high-leveled people with little or no level of politeness. But seriously. That is a bit much.

Which brings me to my point. Why I so despise Zombies.

As everyone knows, Zombies are one of the most plentiful sources of EXP you can find in MapleStory. They give a decent 190 points a pop, they move slow, and they spawn very quickly. Perfect training fodder, no?

Well, not really.

First of all, it's a long walk. To those sins/bandits with Dark Sight, I'll throw a pie in your general direction. One can encounter monsters such as Werewolf, Lycanthrope, Yeti and Pepe, and Dark Yeti and Dark Pepe. All of which pose a significant threat to your HP. And that's starting out as touch damage. (Again, a curse on those who vac. Damn you all.) Remember what I said about me dying twice? Yep. That's why.

And when you do get there, we have said sins/bandits to thank for our next issue. Territory.

Now, one would probably insinuate that as a Ranger, I'm being unfair to the Hermits and Chief Bandits that want to train too. True enough, I am a Ranger and I don't like the Hermits and Chief Bandits that much. It's a kind of social class issue. But that aside, I (and others) simply can't deny that Chief Bandits and Hermits (the latter in particular) don't exactly rate the highest in a politeness survey. It's true that other classes, like Priests/White Knights, and even my fellow Rangers/Snipers also inhabit Zombies and they aren't exactly Martha Stewart, either, but hermits pose the greatest problem. And don't flame me. You have your contemporaries to thank for that observation. Hopefully, after reading this, said hermits will be a tad less aggressive in defending their map.

I have nothing against people who want to defend their territory. That's natural, I guess. Either you've wasted five minutes walking up here or you've wasted 200 grand buying a scroll to get up here. It's only natural that you want to stay here. But come on, seriously. If you're in a map that spawns more than you can kill and spans more territory than you can cover…

WHY NOT JUST LET SOMEONE SHARE THE MAP?

First of all, someone being on the other side of a zombie map will not hurt you in any way. The spawn rate is increased, so neither you or your partner will be in want of prey. I try to explain this to people, but they NEVER listen. Never, ever. Which only adds to my theory that the longer you stay in a zombie map, the more your brain rots.

Second of all, if you see someone already commanding a zombie channel (usually a sin), there are several approaches. All of them except one will usually result in you being defamed or touching off a massive KS war. Guess what it is?

Yeah, it's called BEING POLITE for once. What a shocker.

If you are looking for an empty channel so you can put another point on your leveling roster, and someone happens to fling a "cc pls" at you, resist the urge to call their mom dirty names. Simply ask to share the channel (assuming that they're the only one populating the area at the moment.) If they steadfastly refuse, point out that their spawn rate will not decrease. If they still decide to be an ass, then simply leave. It's not going to do you any good retaliating any further. Hopefully, out of the 80 zombie channels that exist, at least one will either be empty or have someone polite.

Lastly, Zombies have cruddy drops. Nothing noteworthy, just various stuff. Training at Zombies will not make you rich overnight. They do drop a red scroll, a 60 percent Bottomwear Def., but unlike a 60 percent Glove ATT, Earring INT, or Overall INT, I have yet to see a Bottomwear Def. Scroll fetch more than 4 million at auction.

However, that doesn't leave us poor, oppressed Rangers much to train with. We have Fire Drakes, of course, but Strafe's cruddy power at a low level doesn't leave us much to do (Unless you have Final Attack to fall back on.) And without a good Puppet, there's not much you can do to stem the blasts of fireballs that'll repeatedly get blown at you. And you'll never find Steelies, no matter how hard you try. (You could try for a 60 percent Earring INT, though.) Not to mention that those damned Snipers get Ice, and Ice Mages are very common here.

We also get Mushmom. But seriously. If you want Ilbis, go to Vikings. Mushmom NEVER spawns exactly when you want her to. And out of those 0.0001 percent of the times when she does come, it's about another 0.0001 percent chance of finding Ilbis. Hmm…You do the math here.

Then again, we've got Ludibrium. Evil walking teddies with ghosts stuck up their ass, anyone? Unlike Zombies, the drops are great. Their magic attack can easily be fended off with a quick Puppet. (I myself only have a Level 1 Puppet.) Even at level 1, puppet can stave off 2 or 3 claw attacks from the teddies. The claw does about 300-333 damage. So, you can pay 23 MP or pay 600-999 HP with or without Puppet. Again, do the math and tell me which is more of a strain on your wallet: buying a couple of extra Blue Potions for Puppet or buying a crapload of Unagis. However, the EXP at Teddies is slow. (As compared to Zombies.)

Did I leave anything out? Oh yeah. You could live at the Henesys Hunting Grounds (Mentioned in the previous chapter) and be a huge, obnoxious Noob Pro for the rest of your life. Slow EXP, but you'll get TONS of fame, all for a pittance of training from the Pseudo Noobs.

So…Thus is another chapter from the hand of this neurotic, discontent Level 72 Ranger. This is the training plan I offer for my neurotic, discontent fellow brethren.

When you can afford it, when you're prepared to booze up on caffeine, and you have a weekend when your parents aren't bugging the s#$& out of you, go to Zombies, and try to reason with the Hermits. Even if it takes a while, you'll find a spot. Hopefully. You SHOULD gain at least a level every weekend through this method. On long vay-kays and holidays, you might get 2.

Then, on the weekdays when the only way you can get your daily fix of Maple is to pretend you have to do homework, head off to Ludi, maybe buy a little fame on the ride over, and head off to Soul Teddies/Master Soul Teddies. This is your money-making session. The EXP you'll get is minimal, but you don't have to worry about pissy Hermits bothering you. Your only purpose for being here is the drops. Maybe a Cleric/Priest hacker once in a while, but you just loot them. You might find a good Saph Gig, like I did, and sell it for a huge sum. Hey, if they're stupid enough to hack, they deserve to be looted, so ignore your conscience.

And when you're VERY, VERY bored, go to Mushmom. I'll keep my fingers crossed for all you prospective get-rich-quickers. (If you actually DO find that sacred steel, remember who told you all about it. Heh.)

I guess this too, has detracted from "Why I Hate Zombies" to "Training for Ranger Dummies." Still, in such an informal essay, I suppose detraction's necessary. After all, if I just elaborated on how pissy Hermits are, all I'd get would be flames.

Well, your comments would be much appreciated. And if you have a point of Mapling society that you'd like me to apply my satirical wit to, please, don't hesitate to ask. (It saves me the trouble of having to think up my own ideas.)

-Your depressed Ranger correspondent,

-ZerPheonix74


	3. Rangers vs Hermits, Part I

Part III: Rangers vs. Hermits, Part I

Wow.

This is the first thing I've written in a while that I actually bother to update.

I guess it's because in the past, my stories were delayed for Maple. But now, this story is helped by it. Every time I log on with my beloved Ranger, I gather material. I process it through my mind. It's like gathering pigs, processing them, and making SPAM.

…Okay, bad example. But in any case, I've decided to continue a theme from the second chapter, somewhat. In fact, this chapter is actually very short. There's not really much to drone on about here, for fear of offending some people. Then again, I guess that's always a risk when you're trying to write MMORPG nonfiction.

And yes, there will be some stuff about Hermits, as always. I know this is freedom of the press and all, but I'm just expressing opinions and I really don't want to offend anyone. So if you just happen to be a Hermit, please don't get pissed off at me. I know how I'd feel if some Hermit wrote a piece blasting Rangers, but in any case, I don't have any better subject material to blab about.

When I first started playing Maple, a year and a half ago, I didn't know what Thieves, Sins, Hermits, Archers, Hunters, or Rangers were. I really didn't care. I was content to slash playfully at the snails and mushrooms that dotted Maple Island.

Now, although it doesn't seem like it, I've played on Global's Tespia, way back when. Yes, the beta server. When they still called Distinctions "Crappes" and Sabretooths "Birdvilles". You gotta love Korean translations. It's kinda sad how one of the sexiest hats in the game became known as "Crappe". I mean, seriously. What kind of idiot in their right mind would name a hat "Crappe"? I mean, next thing you know, we're gonna have hats named "Bullshitte." Or something like that.

But enough about hats. After I first set foot on Victoria Island, I did exactly what MapleGlobal's help page told me to do, coughed up 100 mesos for a trip to Henesys, spoke with the woman in the tree, and ta-da! Archerness.

As soon as I went to the Henesys Hunting Grounds to play with my War Bow, I was KSed. By a sin, to be exact. And he wasn't too polite about it either.

Incidentally, I have a level 19 archer on Scania, same account as my Ranger. I created the character solely because all my real-life friends played on Scania. However, I lost interest in training the archer and went off to Bera for a spell to train my Hunter. When I finally became a Ranger, out of nostalgia, I went on my archer. Lo and behold, all my friends were inactive. The Maple fad, apparently, had worn out. (I spoke a bit about that in the first section.)

However, that aside, I'd nearly forgotten the feeling of simply shooting, no flashy attacks, just holding down CTRL and shooting arrows, and not doing over 1-2k a pop, about 10-100.

Then, guess what? A sin and a wizard (No, I'm not saying that to pour dirt on the aforementioned classes. This is a true story that happened 10 minutes ago) KSed me. Oh, rapturous joy. And guess what? They called me, to quote:

"stupid nub"

Well, I beg to differ. For one thing, if you can't even spell "Noob" correctly, you shouldn't be qualified to use the term. (Although "nub" is an alternate spelling of the word, technically. There goes my language-y side again.)

I thought of snapping back that I had a Ranger in Bera that could easily dole out some punishment to their arrogant butts, but I eventually thought better of it. There's already too much "I have a Level 100-plus character" bullcrap out there, and I didn't feel a need to add to the pile, even if my statement was actually one of the few true ones.

Getting back to the subject. Why do Hunters and Assassins despise each other? For one thing, they are near parallels of each other, with only a few differences. Hunters look sexier (And I'm not saying that in a biased way. Look at the Legoliers and the Piette. Then look at the Knucklevest and the Shadow.) Not to mention that bows, with ornaments and all, look better than a fist. Even if it's a pretty, gem-studded claw with 40-50 attack, or what have you, IT'S STILL NOTHING MORE THAN A GLORIFIED GLOVE WITH SPIKES. (Except for the Casters, which takes up the whole wrist. Yay.)

Look at their skills. Both sins and hunters get Critical. (Hunters' is slightly more powerful, to compensate for their slower attack speed.) They both get two-hit attacks: Double Shot, Lucky Seven. They are both long-range attackers. Heck, even at third job, they get 4-hit attacks: Strafe and Shadow Partner. (Assuming you use Lucky Seven with SP.) They can even both jump shoot. (Although the Hunter's jump shot is trickier to pull off and doesn't actually shoot at a higher altitude. It's just a trick for attacking at a very slightly faster speed.)

So, basically, it's an ego contest. The Hunters' boasts: They get Power-Knock Back, an essentially life-saving skill when in close quarters. Sins don't. They also get Arrow Bomb, a cool-ass looking mob skill that also stuns on the side. Sins don't get a decent mob skill until Avenger. Not to mention, Archers get Final Attack (Which happens to be underappreciated. I wish more archers would use it.), which can easily double your damage when maxed. And we get Arrow Rain, which is pretty and fast. They have reason to be annoyed. I understand that.

…But what about on the other side? It also happens to be basically a no-contest. Hunter's bows, except for the Red Viper, Maple Bow, and Maple Soul Searcher, of which the latter two are difficult to come by, have attack speeds of "Normal." The Assassin's claws all have an attack speed of "Fast." Wow, I guess that means Assassins attack faster. (Sarcasm.) That, and since most hunters don't really know how to do an " archer jump shot", per se, until their later levels, means that the archer is basically a sitting duck compared to the sin (Unless the archer in question is boozed on warrior pots and has Final Attack.)

The sin also gets Haste. This only adds to the already tremendous speed that he/she has. Bowmen get bupkus until Thrust, which is actually a waste of SP because by then you've got things like Golden Hinkel, Bone Helm, Icarus Cape 2/3, and Shoe Speed/Jump Scrolls.

And yes, the sin gets Drain. As if all that weren't enough, the sin NEVER has to touch another HP potion or piece of food after Drain gets decent. Puppet is sort of an answer to that, but it's not a total fail-safe, as stuff tends to spawn on you after the puppet disintegrates. Wonderful.

Well, that's about it. Oh yeah, I also forgot to mention Shadow Web, which holds stuff in place, Meso Up, which only makes those greedy bastards richer, and Flash Jump, which is like a legal hack. Now, I think that's about it.

So yeah, I guess we "noob," "bastard," "idiot", "fcker" Hunters/Rangers, to quote a few sins over the months, do have reason to be a tad pissed at the Assassins/Hermits. They flaunt wealth. We can't. They show up with Casters, Ilbis, and Flash Jump, and everyone immediately builds temples for them. We show up with Metus, Soul Arrow, and Thrust, and no one cares. (Metus is fairly common, at least compared to Casters.)

I guess, basically, with these words, these series of essays have been reduced to little more than a way to vent frustration at the Hermits. I'm really sorry for this. I have a friend of mine whom I've known for 30 levels plus. He happens to be a Hermit. Level 75 (Although by the time you read this, he might as well be Level 100-plus, that's how much he plays). But unlike MOST Hermits, he has a good attitude. And he shares his zombie maps with me.

See what I'm trying to say? Both sides, basically, need to step back and take a few deep breaths in the Sin vs. Hunter debate. Hunters, chill. Later on in life, you'll get to light stuff on fire and summon huge flying turkeys and puppets. Sins, we're sorry that you don't have cooler looking armor, but you're rich as hell, and you also attack as fast as hell, so no one cares. Just sit back and enjoy what you have, and please don't piss off your troubles at other people. I'm pretty sure, to be unbiased here, that there ARE Rangers out there who snap at others and hog zombie maps, but I've seen only a few. Hermits have a bad stereotype cast over them. If you want to get rid of it, then just be a little bit more polite. It's not too much to ask, in my opinion.

I might as well lengthen this short reminiscence by adding a shorter blurb on the mages. Mages. Ah, yes. Infamous for Thunderbolt and Magic Claw. They've earned the nickname "KSers", through the 1st job, at least. However, by 3rd job, we Rangers forget all about them. Their damage doesn't even stack up to ours. (While a maxed Thunder Spear is mighty, I have yet to see one outdamage a decent Strafe of the same level.) Plus, we get Rain, which pretty much trumps the Mages' efforts to KS. (Although, to be fair, there are a handful of Ice Strikers which I've never been able to get a hand over. I'll chalk it up to reflexes more than anything, but I guess that's just me.)

What else is there to elaborate about? Damage formulas? Item prices? The new patch? The weather? Talking about Maple is fun. Trust me. It's a lot more fun than actually playing Maple, after some point.

Until next time, when I come up with something semi-interesting to elaborate aimlessly on…

-ZerPheonix74


	4. Not So Quickies

Part IV: Quickies

Since I really don't feel like typing up a whole discourse on Maple, I'll just scribble a few thoughts here and there.

However, I must pay tribute to all those who have read this story and enjoyed it. Truly, if you have the willpower to read the rantings of a slightly demented Ranger, and if you actually enjoyed doing so, my heartfelt thanks to you.

**Zer's Axiom of Crogs**

The one time that Crimson Balrogs will show up on an airship is the one time you're AFK.

**Zer's Axiom of Guilds**

The more you spend on a guild, the less fun it becomes.

**Maple Economics**

_Disclaimer: Don't take any of this for granted. If you decide to invest all your money in Pumpkin Pies and end up breaking yourself, this is not my fault. I write this only as a satirical bit._

How times do change.

This afternoon, as I went into the Free Market to make my daily rounds, seeing if anyone had a decent Arund for sale (Which no one did, as usual), I couldn't help but notice the price of Dead Mine Scrolls. 200 grand a pop.

Funny, I could've sworn a while back, they were 100K.

Oh yeah, another thing. I heard a 5 attack Work Glove being hawked for about 12 mil.

…Huh, what happened to the normal price of 6-7 mil?

Obviously, no one really thinks of economics in a MMORPG. That's understandable. I mean, come on, you're here to kill stuff and have fun, not write up freakin' reports like in the Wall Street Journal. However, item prices were really the only thing on my mind that I felt like writing about.

First, we have the stars. As far as I know, there are nine types of throwing stars available in GlobalMS. Subis, Wolbis, Mokbis, Wooden Tops, Icicles, Kumbis, Tobis, Steelys (Or Steelies, if you will), and Ilbis. (Until Zombie Mushmom comes onto the scene, we won't be seeing Hwabis for a while.)

Obviously, the first would be of little use here, since you can buy those cheaply at any armor store for 500 a set. However, it's interesting to note the fluctuations of prices here. Again, we make reference to Tespia here.

Ah, Tespia. The legendary Beta server, that existed when MapleStory was still in its infant stage.

Let me tell you, if you were to visit Tespia now, you wouldn't recognize the place. For one thing, third job hadn't even been released yet. No way. To the Maplers in Tespia, simply being level 30 was the equivalent of being level 70 today. (Incidentally, Tespia is also the foundation of my theory for why there are so many Ice/Light mages out there. Back in the day, people used to flaunt Thunderbolt like crazy, given that it was the only mob attack that looked cool at the time. Yes, no one noticed Arrow Bomb. Crazy ingrates.)

In any case, word spread, and soon enough, mobs of prospective Maplers were flocking to Ellinia to become Lightning Wizards. (Little did they know that Thunderbolt starts out doing 1-2 damage and is a huge MP waster.) But, in any case, the damage was done. The influx of wizards had begun. (Now, Thunder Spear is kind of an answer to that, but it's slow, unwieldy and doesn't reach its full potential until maxed. Kinda like Strafe.)

Of course, I was not taken in by this, and created a warrior. Who incidentally never passed level 16. After that, Maple crashed on my old computer, and I couldn't reinstall it, so I had to put Maple off for about half a year until I got a new computer. By then, my Tespia account was all but forgotten. (Shame. If I had remembered it, I could be playing a Level 100 plus Crusader by now.)

However, 16 levels was sufficient enough to provide a foray into the mysteries of Tespia.

Getting back to a previous point, as I said before, if you had something other than  
"Beginner", "Swordman", "Archer", "Magician", or "Rogue" under your name, you were a pro. Others simply idolized you. (And remember, Ossyria didn't exist at the time, which could explain why Level 30 and above equips looked like cash items.)

And the Free Market permits didn't exist. Yes, we had a Free Market, but with no permits, it was basically a cheap red herring. Tons of people, including me, wandered every channel of the FM trying to find something. To no avail. So, us Maplers established the bottom of Perion, Channel 1, as a makeshift Free Market. Often, merely wanting to go to Fire Boars would cause you to lag out.

If you want to get an idea of how primitive Tespia was, as compared to Global today, take Bera, and subtract the following:

-Ossyria (Orbis, El Nath, Zombies, etc.)

-Level 30+ equips (Except for the Blue Axe, for some odd reason)

-Ludibrium

-Aqua Road

-Omega Sector

-Cash Shop

-Third job

-Item names that don't sound like they were translated by drunk people

Yep. It would be a dull place to be, Tespia.

Now that I've efficiently changed this piece from "Maple Economics" to "Memories of a Demented Server", let's get back on track here.

I know. Posting lists as fictions is a removable offense by FF Law. However, there's no law that says you can't insert a list or two into your story, so don't flame me for this.

**Prices of Random Stuff (!!!Approximate!!!)**

Item/Tespia Price/Price when only Scania/Bera existed/Price as of 11/14/06

Wolbis/50,000/30,000-50,000/1,000

Mokbis/150,000/75,000-100,000/50,000

Tops/Same as Mokbis, give or take 25-50k

Kumbis/300,000-400,000/200,000-250,000/75,000-100,000

Icicles/750,000-1,200,000/500,000/300,000

Tobis/3,000,000/2,000,000/1,750,000

Steelies/12,000,000/7,000,000-8,000,000/10,000,000-14,000,000

Ilbis/25,000,000/18,000,000/30,000,000-35,000,000

EW(Clean)/30,000,000/10,000,000/4,000,000

K-Fan(Clean)/1,000,000/500,000/200,000

Yep. How times have changed. Obviously, the prices of everything except the Steelies and Ilbis can be attributed to inflation. Somehow, I don't know why the prices of Steelies/Ilbis have managed to skyrocket in the last couple of months. Maybe Nexon decreased the drop rate, or maybe there's an evil cartel of high-leveled people that controls the prices for all rare items. We'll never know.

**Zer's Axiom of Free Market Stalls**

Every time you buy something fairly expensive, you will find the same item being offered at a nearby stall at a significantly lower price.

**Zer's Axiom of Hackers**

Hackers suck.

**A Day in the Life of Zer**

"You've always wanted to be a third jobber, but is it as much fun as it's cracked up to be? A bored and cynical Ranger shares his views on the world of MapleStory. Not for the easily offended."

Those are the words that greet you every time you read this collection of memories. I could have written a better summary, but that's all FF would let me fit in their tiny text box.

In any case, so far, I've never really provided an actual foray in what it's actually like to be a Ranger. However, I feel the time has come to introduce my fellow brethren to the wonder, mystery, and fantasy of being a Ranger.

Enjoy.

_You are ZerPheonix74._

_You are a Ranger, Level 73, located in the world of Bera._

_After a hard, strenuous day in the horrors of your local high school, you are ready to cool off and get some much-needed relief. You dash upstairs, where your computer is conveniently located._

_You trip and fall with a crash onto the bedspread. No matter, because the pain in your foot will be soothed in a while. You flick on the computer._

_After the desktop loads for what has seemed like an eternity, you eagerly move your cursor to the little mushroom icon on your desktop and double-click._

**GameGuard Error: Failed to Initialize**

_You instinctively check your computer's connection, to find that nothing is amiss._

**GameGuard Error: Failed to Initialize**

…

**GameGuard Error: Failed to Initialize**

_Wonderful. So you restart the computer and wait another eternity._

_But at last, that error has been averted. You then log into Maple, click Bera. Which character will you use? Your screwed-up level 41 Fighter, your weak, noobish level 31 Cleric, or your sexy-as-hell level 73 Ranger?_

_No contest._

_You land in the middle of the Forest of Dead Trees III, where you were training the weekend before. You are at 99 percent, just 1 bit short of hitting level 74 and gaining the skill Arrow Rain, a technique dear to the heart of every flamboyant jackass in Maple._

_You leap down and begin to kill the wandering zombies. There are no little red blips on the map, for once. What a relief._

_That is, until you lag a bit. Normally, one would disregard this, but you know what that momentary lag is. _

_Someone's entered your map._

_Indeed, it's a Hermit. How stereotypical. Level 80-ish, you'd say. He's flaunting a Pireta Hat, Mamba, and Ilbis. Immediately, he casts Shadow Partner and starts his massacre. You indignantly attempt to keep up by using Strafe, but alas, your level 5 Strafe can't stand up to a maxed Shadow Partner._

_Because you're a kind soul and you don't want to tell the jerk to CC, as annoying as he is, and you move quietly to one side of the map. That is, until he deliberately comes over you and starts killing. Needless to say, your EXP is not improving much at this point._

_Finally, the Hermit in question throws out the spark that lights the proverbial fire._

_"CC."_

_That's it. Maybe you can live with a Hermit sharing your Zombie Channel, but HELL NO are you going to relinquish your precious spot to this arrogant jackass. No, you were here first, there's absolutely no question of that. _

_You immediately reply that you'd like to share the map. He replies with the kindest of statements, "STFU noob." How charming. Now, normally, you won't throw out insults at people, but that's a bit much, so saying so, you proceed to exchange sharp words with the invader. _

_Then, he calls your mom something that even you wouldn't call her, as much as you despise her and her iron-fisted rule. But wait! You have thought of the perfect comeback. Immediately, your fingers dance over the keyboard, intending to deal out the final jab._

_Uh-oh. You just realize you've been poisoned for the last minute or so, and your HP is dangerously low. And, a zombie happens to be wandering toward you. _

_You furiously mash your HP potion hotkey, but to no avail. With a shudder, you recall that hotkeys don't work while you're typing text._

_Frantically, you manually open your Items menu, hoping to guzzle down a precious Elixir before the moment of death._

_No…800...600..._

_The hand cursor moves to the pink bottle._

_400...200..._

_You double-click the Elixir, but too late. A tombstone has planted itself in front of you. And, instead of 99.50 percent, you now stand at 92.50. An extra hour of work._

_The last thing you hear is the Hermit's cruel laugh, before you are transported back to El Nath._

_-----_

_Nevertheless, you purchase an overpriced DM scroll and make your way back to the Dead Mine. You carefully pick through about 40 maps before you find a kind Bandit who is willing to share his map with you for a party. It's not going to help you level faster, but you have no choice. You reluctantly accept the party offer._

_About an hour later, despite your earlier setback, you are at 99.99 percent. Only one more zombie._

_You press the spacebar. Double Shot…Final Attack…_

_It is over. The zombie disintegrates, while you eagerly listen to the trumpet blare that means you've leveled. You bid good-bye to the bandit and happily return to El Nath, your job done for the moment._

_Finally. You've put 3 points in Mortal Blow the level before, despite your friends' advice. Now, with 3 more SP in tow, you can get Mortal to level 5, and then get Arrow Rain._

_Ecstatic, you rush out to the Snowfield, eager to test your technique on a few Jr. Pepe's. You set Rain to a hotkey and stab down with your finger._

_A rush, a storm of blue shards rain down, and it's over._

**FTW?! 524 DAMAGE?**

_Geez. You could've caused more damage with Arrow Bomb. Disgusted, you head off to Orbis Tower, conveniently not having a scroll with you._

_-----_

_After a long climb through the stone spire, you decide to go back to Henesys and flaunt your newly-gained technique. You pay 5000 mesos for a ticket and head to the Orbis dock._

_When the ship finally arrives, the usher asks if you would like to board. You click yes._

**The connection to the server has ended. Please try it again later.**

_After a bit of cursing and bashing your fist against the wall, you quickly log back in. Hopefully you can still catch the ride back. But no. The ship has closed its doors, and you must now wait another fifteen minutes to get a ride home._

_Finally, the second ship is ready to leave. You again present your ticket and this time, thankfully, are not denied entry. You join the crowd of people, most of them level 90-100'ers on their way back to Victoria Island._

_Suddenly, you hear footsteps on the stairs. Oh, shit! If your mom finds you playing Maple on a school day, you're definitely screwed._

_No matter. Quickly, your hand leaps to the keyboard, and presses Alt-Tab, the godsend of discreet Maplers. MapleStory is now minimized to the toolbar, leaving a background window containing information on photosynthesis and the Calvin cycle._

"What are you doing up here?"

"Aw, geez, Mom, I'm doing research for my Bio project!"

_She stares at the screen, but sees nothing suspicious._

"I see…So what'd you learn in class today?"

_You frantically wrack your brains for something remotely interesting that occurred in class today._

"Hey, did you know that alcohol is actually a waste product of prokaryotic bacteria? So every time you crack open a bottle of wine or beer, you're drinking bacteria pee!"

_She stares at you, then leaves. Heh, maybe that'll teach her a lesson next time she brings champagne to a party. You press Alt-Tab again._

_Only to find yourself dead a second time, from the Crogs. Go figure._

_-----_

_When you finally reach Henesys, your mood has been somewhat lifted. Enough of this crap. You're going to relieve some stress, and you're going to do it well. You disable trades, whispers, and create a fake party. You then dress yourself in the garb of a Pure Noob, your Patriot replaced with a headband, your Linnex replaced with a T-shirt and jeans, and your Golden Hinkel replaced with a sword. Then, you step out onto the Fields of Henesys._

_Heh, a ton of Pure Noobs. You climb up to the top ledge, where the green shrooms spawn, and wait for a Pseudo-Pro to appear, so you can scare the shit out of them._

_After waiting for about 5 minutes, one finally appears. A level 50-something Lightning Wizard. He blasts down the mushrooms with his flashy Thunderbolt. The Pure Noobs stand amazed._

_But you've got something better. You whip out a Red Viper, strong enough to deal sufficient damage, and before anyone can comprehend why a Pure Noob can hold a level 35 bow, you bust out Rain and effectively end the lightning man's tirade._

_After your moment of glory is over, you glance around and see the dumbfounded faces of the Pure Noobs. You grin and glance over at the red-faced wizard._

_Suddenly, he screams "SHOWOFF!"_

_This, of course, incites the Pure Noobs around to scream "SHOWOFF!" too at you. Soon, people start mass defaming you, including said wizard. You frantically try to explain that you're only here to relieve stress because you don't understand the Calvin cycle and that the mage was also being a showoff too, but to no avail. Finally, the place calms down a bit and you retire to a nearby rope to hang out, so to speak._

_Then, you see a mushroom and a snail whiz by your feet with supersonic speed. You realize that a hacker is here. You've had experience with those guys before, and whatever happens is not going to end well._

_Then, the idiot wizard shouts, "OMFG HACKER! EVERYONE REPORT THE RANGER!"_

_Of course, you're not the one hacking, and you're not stupid enough to do so, but the Pure Noobs are goaded into a frenzy again, and mass defame is once more rained upon you. You realize, from a smirk on the idiot's face, that the mage in question is actually the hacker, but you can't do anything against this mob mentality, so you simply leave, in a very foul mood._

_You then simply go back into Henesys, climb upon the haystacks near the town entrance and stare at the taxi for no good reason. What did you ever do to deserve all this misfortune, just because you're a Ranger, one of the rare characters in Maple, instead of a massively powerful Crusader, a flashy Mage, or a flamboyant Hermit? Sheesh._

_Suddenly, you notice a Pseudo Pro, level 40 or so, standing casually in the midst of a bunch of Pure Noobs and AFK Noob Pros looking for fame. You recognize him at once. The equivalent of a terrorist suicide bomber today, you know exactly what's on the guy's mind. Summoning sacks._

_For a second, you want to walk away and let the noobs be slaughtered, but you take a glance at them. Look at them, innocent like that, never doing a soul harm, if not annoying them a bit, and also the AFK pros. You recall how you died twice today and lost so much EXP. Were you going to doom those people to their fate in good conscience?_

_You ready yourself, tensed for an outburst, and as soon as the first Trojan appears, you spring into action, whipping out your Hinkel. The noobs are screaming, running for cover, and you act fast, using Rain to divert the horsemen's attention and then slaughtering them with your Strafe._

_The assassin, his plans foiled, slinks away snarling. You sigh. There were no casualties, thanks to your swift action, but aside from a wondrous stare, no one seems to notice your act of heroism. You get out your Relaxer and sit down in it, moping._

_Suddenly, you see a young archer standing in front of you, level 15 or so._

"Hey, dude…what you did there was really awesome…thanks for saving my life."

_He then fames you. You are surprised, as no one's ever famed you randomly before._

"Someday, I wanna be just like you."

_The archer then leaves, no doubt to continue hunting the snails and mushrooms that lay to the west. You lie back in your Relaxer, exhaling calmly._

_Yes, it's good to be a Ranger._

Okay, that was quite honestly one of the sappiest things I've ever written, aside from a few of my other shorts, but it's fairly decent.

**Zer's Axiom of Potions**

You always run out of potions every time you're in the middle of a bunch of monsters with Maple Messenger on.

**Zer's Axiom of Bowman Equips**

The necessary equipment you need (Dark Linnex, scrolled Arund, etc.) will always be abundant in the Free Market ten levels before you actually need it. When you actually need the desired equipment, it is nowhere to be found.

**Afterword**

Well, that pretty much wraps up the Quickies, even though that's kinda ironic because this is the longest chapter I've written and nearly doubles the size of this whole story.

Anyway, your feedback is much appreciated. I dunno what I'll write for the next chapter, though. A Ranger/Sniper debate's been suggested, but I'm not sure if I can handle a topic like that efficiently without cruelly insulting every Sniper on this site.

In any case, though, if you prove that you like this treatise, I'll come up with something.

Until the Balrogs fall,

-ZerPheonix74


	5. Lions, Blizzards and Hermits, Oh My!

Part V: Lions, Blizzards, and Hermits, Oh My!

Yet another short chapter of this endless discourse on a Korean import MMORPG. Why do I keep writing these things?

Or, for that matter, why do people keep reading them? Heh. Yes, I've got an inferiority complex. I've read the stories in the MS section of this site, and most of them are good, except for a rare few that aren't, but those are thankfully rare.

By the way, this chapter's kinda short. Depending on your point of view, that may either be a good or bad thing.

I should probably do a kind of thing like "Questions Please," where you ask me questions and I answer them. However, the reason I don't think that would be such a good idea would be probably because 99 percent of the questions I'd get would be "Why are you such a Hermit-hating asshole?"

So, I'll save all of you the trouble and answer that question in part five of this series of essays. (By the way, in case you haven't noticed, this chapter has nothing to do with lions.)

First of all, I clearly state in the summary that this is "Not for the easily offended." Well, boo, shame. So what? I don't exactly love Hermits, and I'm not afraid to say it. For all I care, someone can post "Hermit's Treatise" and spam "RANGERS SUK" in every chapter.

It's just my view of MapleStory, jeez. I guess my hatred stems from several factors. First of all, as of the moment, I control a Level 41 Fighter (Whose skills have been screwed up) a Level 31 Cleric (Who is too weak for me to bother with) and a Level 74 Ranger. No, I don't have a Assassin/Hermit in there. Yes, you can scream that I bash Hermits because I'm jealous of them. Well, I covered the Hermit's perks in Part III. So hell yes, I may be jealous. Sue me.

Secondly, I've had bad experiences with Assassins/Hermits in the past. They had fast attacks; I didn't. They could jump shoot; I couldn't. They had a foul mouth and a bad attitude: I didn't. (Not comparatively, at least. I'm not above a little mom-insulting every now and then, but it's not like I fling insults at people without provocation. And okay, okay, I do curse a lot in this chapter.) I try to go to Wild Boars and there are Assassins jumpshooting like crazy. I go to Zombies and I see Hermits flaunting SP and Ilbis. And let me note that said Assassins/Hermits don't exactly go "Hey, Ranger buddy, wanna share the map?" Far from it.

Thirdly, as a Ranger, I'm not exactly all that common. I'm only level 74, but I have a Bowman Ranking of 1900-something. Which goes to show that there aren't that many bowmen on Maple. (I believe the class rankings apply to the whole of GMS, not just the server in question.) As opposed to the Mages. My Cleric has a Magician Ranking of about 200000-something. Coincidence? I think not. (Because I don't have a sin, I don't know the possible rankings for that.)

Yes. I am being very biased here. I am sure there are Rangers who snap at others, KS, and are plain jerks. However, it's not a question of who does what, exactly. Rather, it would be a question of who does what more. Sure, both Hermits and Rangers have their foulmouthed elementary-schoolers. But which side has more? (Given that there are much fewer Rangers than Hermits in MapleStory today, that's kinda obvious.)

Generally, as a rule, I dislike everyone who does nothing except be annoying and simply not be helpful, fun, or whatever. Maple's an MMORPG, for Balrog's sake. You're SUPPOSED to interact with others. That's what makes the game fun. It's just that some people don't get that, and as a result they decide to be pissy and ruin everyone else's fun. Most of those people, from 74 levels of experience, happen to be Hermits. Maybe I run into them more often, or what. I'm simply stating personal experience here and nothing more.

So, there. Don't get me wrong, though. It's not like I want to insult every Hermit I see. I just want the existing Assassins/Hermits to be a tad more civilized and not act like a total dork. Granted, there are plenty of people who do that, and I don't deny it. Even Hunters/Rangers. Supposedly, my beef with Hermits could be a running theme in this story, but please get my point. I'm trying to effect a positive change in Maple society, not piss off the Hermits.

Anyway…Yeah, what the hell. I'll do a fairly short piece on that Ranger/Sniper thing that someone suggested. Here we go. (By the way, if you're a sniper, start loading up your rifles now.)

Okay. Ranger/Sniper. Strangely enough, this is one of the hottest and most debated dilemmas in Maple now. No one breaks out in a heated argument about whether they want to be a Hermit or Chief Bandit. (Most end up being Banditsins.) No one ever got in a scuffle about whether to be a F/P Mage, I/L Mage, or a Priest. (Too many light wizards already carried over from Tespia.) And no one ever elaborates on whether to be a Crusader, White Knight, or Dragon Knight. (Dragon Roar, Hyper Body and a sexy 3-hit attack? No contest.)

But, on the other hand, going into a Ranger/Sniper debate is akin to stepping onto ground planted with land mines. There's always the infamous Speed Vs. Power debate, which more often than not leads to KS wars at zombies and lots of name-calling and abuse of megaphones.

What can one Ranger do?

Of course, speaking factually now, let's have a look-see at the second job first.

Because the second job skills are nearly identical, except for Bomb/Iron, I won't go into all that crap. Basically, most people become Hunters for the short-term, because explosions are much sexier than just shooting a laser. Aesthetically speaking, Hunters/Rangers own Xbowmen/Snipers, period. Not to mention that bows, overall, are much better looking than crossbows.

However, when we go into the nitty-gritty with NUMBERS (omfgahh, math, yes I know :O), there's a lot more to be considered. Crossbows may be a tad slower than bows, but they are definitely stronger. There's no way of getting around that fact. In the Pure Noob stages, there's not much difference between the attack of a bow and crossbow, maybe 2-5 points. However, as those unfortunate people discover later, when they become Hunters/Rangers, 2-5 extra attack points at level 70 is much more noticeable than at level 10.

Simply put, I could go into a whole load of damage formula/damage to attack-speed ratios, but I'm not going to bore you here. There are better ways to commit suicide, if you're interested. Let me simply state that Snipers kill Rangers damage-wise. Since the typical high-leveled crossbow has about 4-5 more attack points than a bow of the same level, you're staring at a lot of extra damage. Unfortunately, another point I might add is that when Snipers use Jump Shot, the extra loading time of the crossbow is negated. So, given that factor, Snipers are stronger than Rangers and just as fast. It pains me to say so, but them's the breaks.

And another point which really bites us Rangers in the butt. Yes, we get Inferno. It looks cool as hell, and it's great for scaring noobs. But like the other skills of the bow-users, aesthetics is where it all ends. Snipers get that ice-thingy (I'll refer to it as Blizzard because I don't know the real name.)

Long explanation: Although Blizzard doesn't get critical, it freezes. Yes, it freezes. 100 success rate (Unless the monster is resistant to ice.) That more than makes up for those 4 levels with Arrow Bomb and its not-always-successful stun rate. Not to mention that Blizzard doesn't look all that bad, either, and it gets a "FWOOSH" sound effect which almost trumps that of Arrow Rain. Damn it, I wish I could get a "FWOOSH" when using Inferno, but I have to settle for something that sounds like it was ripped off of Arrow Bomb.

Short explanation: Blizzard means Pwnage at Fire Drakes, Cerebes and Bains.

Yep. What have I, the steadfast Ranger, got to say for this?

Simply this. We may not have the powers of ice at our fingertips. We may not have damage that seems like a patch glitch. We may not have huge golden turkeys that fly above our heads, circumcising our enemies.

But, we still live. Despite all this, despite being one of the most-opposed classes in MapleStory. Shunned by others, because we have no party skills. Ridiculed for not going along with the proverbial flow. (At the time when I played in Scania, every single one of my friends, except for one, was an assassin.) I've known some great Rangers in my lifetime.

Someday, when Bowmaster becomes an attainable class, we'll see. Until then, we'll have to settle for doing lower damage and not having Blizzard.

…Did this make you feel a little bit depressed? Well, yeah. It really did, didn't it?

Therefore, I'll make it up to you by providing a theoretical look into certain classes' minds. Have fun and don't go crazy! XD

Wow, it's so unlike me to add emoticons to the end of sentences.

-----

Beginner: "Wow, look at all the pros! Let's see how many I can annoy and make them waste a defame on me!"

Swordsman: "Someday, when I become a Crusader, I'll eat you all."

Magician: "HAHA, KSED NOOB!"

Archer: "Wow, pwetty laser!" (Referring to Arrow Blow.)

Rogue: "JOINING PQ, MUST HAVE TRACK AND AC, I THROW ILBIS B-TCH!"

Fighter: "Yay, Rage! Oh wait, it only adds 1 attack. Crap…"

Page: "Threaten? You've gotta be freakin' kidding me…"

Spearman: "(Repeat Fighter, but replace Rage with Hyper Body)"

Fire/Poison Wizard: "Yay, Fire Arrow!" (Immediately gets bored 1 second later)

Ice/Lightning Wizard: "AT LAST! THUNDERBOLT! MUHAHAH!" (Does only 1 damage) "Crap."

Cleric: "YAY, HEAL! I'LL NEVER NEED TO BUY HP POTS AGAIN!"

Hunter: (Blows stuff up)

Crossbowman: "Someday, I'll get Blizzard, and then those jerks will be BEGGIN' for mercy!"

Assassin: "WOOT! HASTE!" (Uses Haste) "Well, that was fun…"

Bandit: "YAY I GET 6 HITS WITH SAVAGE BLOW!" (Does 2 very weak hits) "Son of a-"

Crusader: "Dammit, I only have level 1 Panic and the DK gets Dragon Roar!"

White Knight: "FTW…that sader's doing 30k…"

Dragon Knight: "Haha, I own you all with Roar…oh crap wait, it wastes half of my HP."

Fire/Poison Mage: "Who cut the cheese?"

Ice/Lightning Mage: "Dammit, why'd I put my first point in Spear instead of Strike?!"

Priest: "You may laugh at my damage now, but just wait until you need my HS to help you get more than 1 EXP!"

Ranger: "Yay, Strafe!" (Does about 1k) "Oh, sh-"

Sniper: "I hate Rangers." (or something like that)

Hermit: "(Censored)(censored)(bleep)(beep)(expletive deleted)!"

Chief Bandit: "If only those buttholes would stop looting me so I can show off 100K…"

Yep. I could do more, but I doubt others would enjoy my stereotypicism. (Apparently, according to spell-check, that isn't a word.)

-Who now has to stay up until 1:00 AM writing up geometry proofs,

-ZerPheonix74


	6. More Not So Quickies

Part VI: Quickies, Part II 

Well, here we go. Another healthy serving of Quickies to supplement your daily diet of MapleStory.

(Screams of horror, followed by sounds of self-strangulation)

…Okay, that wasn't nice.

In any case, as before, I don't really feel like typing up another full course of stuff. Hopefully, the "Quickies" format will be a bit more successful than the old essay format. You know what? In your review, just leave a quick note on whether you like Quickies or essays better. (It seems almost pointless to ask in retrospect, though.)

And, by the way, I'll start adding footnotes to my stories, to lessen the amount of parenthetical statements you have to endure in my reports. However, naturally, this will force you to end up scrolling back and forth repeatedly while reading.

…Too bad. Haha. (Gets hit by a pie)

-ZerPheonix74

(Note: Footnotes will be denoted by parentheses with a number in them, like (1), (2), and (3.141592). The actual notes can be found at the end of the chapter.)

My biggest thanks go to Eien Kaosu for kindly reminding me that there are ten types of stars, not nine as I originally said. As thanks, you may have a cookie. (1)

**Zer's Axiom of Zombies**

The first person you meet at Zombies will tell you to go screw yourself.

**Woes of a Cape**

This happened to me a while back. After hitting level 74, I became worried about my level 75 equips. Maple is a game of status. I mean, dressing up intentionally as a Pure Noob is one thing, but having to wear armor that's too weak for you because you're too poor to buy some is quite another.

Therefore, I set out on my ultimate quest: To acquire a Seraph Cape.

Once upon a time, Gaia Capes were the highest-level capes that one could wear in MapleStory. If you had a Gaia Cape, you were immediately touted as a pro and people built temples for you. (2) Unfortunately, I was level 40-something at the time, wearing only a cruddy Icarus 3. Yes, I still had a ways to go before that Gaia could grace my shoulders.

Then, quietly, some time ago, when the Ludibrium patch was released and we had evil teddies in a toy factory with ghosts stuck up their butts, the Seraph Cape was released. Granted, "Gaia" is a nice-sounding prefix for a cape, but "Seraph" sounds even better. (3)

So, basically, Seraph Cape meant 3rd job, which at the time, I had no thoughts of achieving. So, I put thoughts of capes aside for a while.

Until, I finally hit level 50 and I was able to wear a Napoleon. Oh, rapturous joy.

Okay, I think I've lost my train of thought, but basically, what I'm trying to say is by the time I reached a level of cape, it wasn't the highest one available. (4)

That sappy recollection aside, I now return to my depressed Ranger-ness. Anyway, I was searching for a Seraph Cape in the dreaded FM. Finally, I found a clean one. A Dark Seraph Cape, never graced by a scroll. For the lovely price of two mil. (5)

So, I bought it. However, my 5 DEX Gaia was already very nice. I formulated a plan. Buy 5 100 percent Cape DEX Scrolls, and use them on the Seraph. After that, I'd sell my old Gaia for a hefty sum and pay off what I'd spend, maybe get a profit. (6)

After wasting half an hour of my precious time looking for non-overpriced cape scrolls, and finding two, I popped into a nearby Free Market stall to take a peek.

FTW?! 6 DEX ICARUS 2 FOR 6 MIL?!

Now, this is the cruel irony. I could have afforded that cape, IF I hadn't bought that stupid Seraph and those lousy scrolls.

But no. Oh, cruel world. Hopefully, the only good that can come out of this situation is that you get a cheap laugh out of it.

**Zer's Axiom of Zombies, Corollary 1**

Leaving your channel for 30 seconds just because you need to take care of nature will result in a KS war.

**Proof of Corollary 1 (7)**

Note: You have to have some knowledge what a two-column/statements and reasons geometry proof is in order to be able to reap the full humor of this little tale.

Statement 1: You are in a Zombie Channel.  
Reason: Given

Statement 2: You have to be AFK for a bit.  
Reason: You have to go pee.

Statement 3: Someone wanders into your now-still channel.  
Reason: Cruel fate.

Statement 4: You get back, only to find that said person has now possessed your channel, acting like they were there first.  
Reason: Said person is a callous, sadistic moron who knows that you were there first, but won't admit it. (8)

Statement 5: Said person tells you to go do something inappropriate, not to mention anatomically impossible.  
Reason: See Zer's Axiom of Zombies.

Statement 6: A KS war begins.  
Reason: You don't take kindly to being told to do something of a questionable nature.

Thus, the corollary is proved.

Q.E.D. (9)

**Why I Like Being A Ranger, Despite the Massive Disadvantages, Part I**

_Note: The above title will be abbreviated WILBARDMD for future reference._

During the weekend, the number of people playing Maple increases drastically. The reason is simple. School and Maple don't mix. (10) Therefore, the weekend is a release for the frustration accumulated over the weekend.

Unfortunately, this frustration seeps into Zombie Channels as well. (This could actually be a plausible theory for why people at Zch's are so pissy. Hey, it's possible.)

Yeah. So, Zer's Axiom of Zombies proved itself several times over. (Mass defame GamingPrince if you see him in Bera, by the way. I know he's a huge megaphone identity, but he was especially foul towards me and said some things I don't want to repeat for no reason.)

Naturally, trying to get a break from the stream of impolite people (11), I CC'ed.

Right into the middle of a massive KS war.

Now, I don't know exactly who was KSing whom. All I can say is that I experienced massive lag for about five minutes, and then got my bearings. Mostly assassins, and a couple of priests. Yeah, and yours truly.

For some reason, which I simply do not know, one of the sins shouted,

"EVERYONE KS THE RANGER!"

Lovely.

So, why is the title of this piece "WILBARDMD"? Well, I have a technique known as Arrow Rain. No range required. So while all the Sins/Hermits are jabbing furiously at their keyboards and punching the Coolies, I used Rain, over and over again. And again. And again. And again.

Somehow, along the line, you've probably realized that a Level 1 Arrow Rain is not going to fend off a whole squadron of Shadow Partner-flaunting Hermits. However, this allowed me to take a sizable chunk out of the EXP of every Zombie that the star-throwers took down. It was like they were partying me, while at the same time trying to KS me. How ironic.

Although I didn't get tons of EXP there, I did manage to nab some very decent EXP from this skirmish. The Hermits laughed at me because they thought they had won.

If only they knew.

**Zer's Axiom of Zombies II**

Using Rain when you're surrounded by a group of zombies and then quickly using Puppet is a good way to save HP. (Not recommended for those who want to save MP, though.)

**Ascension**_  
_

_Note: To clear things up, Ascension is the name of my guild. Now you basically know what this is going to be about._

Making a guild. It sounds so deceptively simple. Pony up five others and 1.5 mil, and ta-da, you've got a band of slaves to do your bidding…(Ahem) I mean a group of friendly companions who pull you through the tough parts of the day. (12)

**Zer's Axiom of Guilds II**

NEVER form a guild unless you've been in one before.

Being a guild master isn't as easy as it seems. Wow, I have a lot of roles to juggle. Ranger, role model, and guild master to boot.

First of all, please understand. Just because you have 1.5 mil doesn't mean you can form a guild and expect it to be an instant success. I did. I paid the price.

Having been in four guilds previously (DirtySouth, HelixFalcon, LoveLife, TheVarden) before starting Ascension, I can tell you that it's not easy being in a guild, much less starting one. To start, you have to live up to the expectations of the guild master. If they don't like you, tough luck. If they operate on the honor system (13), you have to worry about evil JM's as well. You have to be friendly. Talkative. Active. Not be a total asshole and be annoying and unconstructive to everyone.

As hard as that is, however, it's not nearly as stressful as being the guild master. First of all, if you actually have aspirations for your guild, you simply can't leave your guild at ten members. You have to expand. You MUST get an emblem. Your guild members will not listen to your protests of not wanting to waste 5 mil on an emblem. So, creating a successful guild doesn't require 1.5 mil. It requires about ten times that amount. (I've spent 13 mil so far. I still have 1 last upgrade worth 3 mil before my guild is maxed out.)

You have to be understanding. Your guild members won't appreciate it if all you ask them to do is lend you money and help you train. Never beg for donations to run the guild, unless you're on the last upgrade and you have a close enough relationship with your guild colleagues so as not to annoy them. Don't unceremoniously kick out people just because you decide to make the guild 60-plus and someone's level 59. If you want to impose a level requirement, give plenty of notice.

And get to know them. Be friendly. Start the conversation. Break the ice. (Although, if they don't talk to you after a while, leave them. Your guild should be friendly and pleasant, not a liability.) Open up to them. You need to get them to trust you. (14)

So, what do I have to show for it, after spending 13 solid mil that could've gone towards a decent Arund?

Well, I have a bunch of people twenty-something strong that greet me every time I log on, with a friendly "Hey Zer" or "train me pl0x". I have people that I can complain to every time I fail a test. I have people who can stand to listen to me recite random facts (15).

I have friends. (16)

Yep. When I first started out, pulling people from the 101st floor of the Eos Tower to form a guild, I didn't know what I was in for. Out of the original 5 people that I formed Ascension with, only two are still in it. (And that was because they were people that I personally knew.)

So, yeah. Creating a guild is a risky investment. It's a commitment that most people aren't ready for.

But it can be one of the most rewarding. Trust me, I would know. (17)

So…ahem. Yeah. I suppose that'll be it for now. Yes, the endings are kinda abrupt. Yes, I don't really care.

-Who is now devising more Zombie Axioms as he desperately tries to put his Half Earrings to use,

-ZerPheonix74 (18)

_Footnotes_

(1) For some reason, the prices of Snowballs have been repressed in my mind. All I know is that they're more expensive than Wolbis.

(2) How times have changed.

(3) "Gaia" means 'Earth'. "Seraph" was the title for one of the celestial beings said to have hovered above the throne of God. You tell me which sounds better.

(4) I still have 26 levels more before the Ludibrium Cape. (Sigh)

(5) I probably ripped myself off. However, this is what happens when you're cape-obsessed and you have money to burn.

(6) Highly unlikely, I know, but there are stupid people who will buy anything. Me included.

(7) You can blame me failing a geometry test and having nightmares about it for the title of this part.

(8) Most of the time. However, the odds of the contrary happening are so low that it is not scientifically reasonable to merit any mention whatsoever.

(9) Quod Erat Demonstrandum. That which was to be proved. Useful to add to the end of your geometry proofs for brownie points.

(10) Trust my sore bottom on this one.

(11) See, I didn't say 'Hermits'.

(12) If anyone from my guild actually goes on FF and is reading this, please understand that I mean all of this in good humor. I love you all. Really, I do. When you're not bitching at me to upgrade.

(13): Unscrupulous people join guilds, beg the guild master into making them Jr. Masters, then booting everyone out and leaving. To guard against this, some people, including me, simply make everyone a Jr. Master. Not only does it prevent new recruits from screwing up the guild, it also facilitates recruiting. However, rankings are part of what makes a guild fun, not to mention that you'll have to weed out Pure Noobs that people may recruit.

(14) If I'm starting to sound like a therapist, you may whack me with a sledgehammer.

(15) Including the crack about bacteria and alcohol you heard in A Day in the Life of Zer.

(16) Don't get me wrong. I have people on my buddy list, too. But those people never log on.

(17) You can ask to join Ascension. Don't expect a quick reply, though.

(18) If these footnotes are bothering you, please say so. Don't worry about offending me. I'll just hit you with a pie.


	7. An Eugoogly

Part VII: An Eugoogly (1)

Author's Note: Yep. This is Zer. I know you might be a little mad because I haven't been updating-

"YOU SUCK!"

"GO DIE!"

(Dodges tons of pies)

Whew. Ahem, as I was saying, I'm sorry for not updating as often as I should have. If you look at my bio, you'll understand why. But at least I'm level 79 now! (Huggles random stranger)

"EWW! THIS GUY JUST TOUCHED ME! RAPIST!"

(Gets sprayed with pepper spray)

_We are experiencing technical difficulties. Please stand by._

Anyway, er…Yeah. This is something I wrote because of the damned server check.

(1) OMG A FOOTNOTE! Don't worry, I've more or less discarded the whole "Mar story with footnotes to annoy readers" format. Anyway, the term "Eugoogly" is a reference to the movie _Zoolander. _If you've ever seen it, I hope you come out of your coma soon.

-----

_So it ends._

_I never dreamed this day would come. Blindly, like a foolish child, I went on with my life, never knowing this would happen in the end._

_Well, really, I sort of did know it would happen, in the back of my head. I tried to deny it. I tried to repress it. I told myself, 'It'll never happen." I was, to put it simply, in denial. I just couldn't believe that this could happen to you. To us._

_I look back at the memories, the precious moments of fragile time we've shared. I wish I could bring them back and play them out again. There's so much I could have said, so much I should have said, but it's all too late now. You've been scattered to the winds, and I likely won't see you ever again in my life._

_Maybe I might pass you by, just walking carefree on the street, and you won't recognize me. Or worse, I won't recognize you. I can't say this enough…we've been through so much together, and I don't want you to slip away from me, when I need you most._

_Ever since I met you, thirteen beautiful levels ago, it was a sun-lit day, the birds singing, the clouds high in the sky, and the happy voices of people flitting about. It was a stereotypical good day. Isn't it ironic, when I look back, that we had to part, just when I was thirteen percent away from gaining my thirteenth level, since we crossed paths? I'm not superstitious, but I can't help but feel that there's a bit more to this than simple coincidence._

_God help me, I can remember so much. I remember swinging a bag of 1,500,000 smackers in hand, riding the ship from Orbis to Ludi, back and forth, countless times, until we were united, all six of us, standing in the musty Guild HQ. I remember staring at the portraits wall, all Level 80 masters, donning their equips. I remember thinking, 'I'll never be like them.' _

_For thirteen levels, you were there to support me, even as the winds shifted. Some of you left, after only a day, dismissing me as one of the many stages in your life. Some of you stayed for a week or so. Some of you stayed with me for our short life. In any case, I'm truly grateful to all of you. You showed me so many things, so many fragments and bits of knowledge that I couldn't do without today._

_Why do I write this? I think, as my hands fly feverishly over the keyboard, typing. I'm not someone with a lot of influence or money. Granted, I spent 16.5 millon on you until the very end, but I would have gladly spent more, if only I could have prolonged our time together for another few precious minutes. There's so much I should have said, that I've been holding until it was too late._

_I remember all the times you bitched at me to upgrade._

_I remember all the times you asked me to relinquish my precious Zombie Channel, just so I could help with killing Zombie Lupins or whatnot._

_I remember all the times you asked me to fly off to Ludi to buy a few warrior pills, and then screamed at me when I forgot to buy sniper and speed pills._

_I remember all the times you invited me to KS wars at zombies, and we still got owned._

_I remember all the times I spammed the Guild Notices when I was level 69, feverishly trying to become a Ranger, and I pissed you off._

_I remember all the times…we were together._

_Even after all this, I still feel there's so much more to be said. But words can't express what you meant to me, and I can't even try to say what I want to say, or else I'm going to cry, and I learned from you that I should never cry. A guild master can't show weakness to his colleagues, and I don't want you to see me weak and soft like this, not when I need your support most._

_I wish we could have stayed together longer…I wish I could have fulfilled our dreams. I wish we could have become one of the strongest guilds in Bera. I wish that I could have made you members of the best guild in the world…I wish that I could have made people say "OMG ITS ASCENSION MUST WORSHIP!" I wish I could have done all that for you, my friends, but sadly, I've failed you, even after I've put every last bit of money that I could into us. _

_Why did we have to part now, at such a critical time, when I was only a precious week away from becoming 80? From achieving my goal at long last to become a "Pro", one of the truly respected people in MapleStory? I ask myself that, over and over again. I want to blame outside circumstances. "You didn't have time." "You never needed those bastards anyway." "They're holding you back." But I know it's all wrong, because no matter what I tell myself, I've always needed you. I wish you could all see my final moment of triumph, when I finally kill my last zombie and raise that Dark Arund I've been annoying you with for ages._

_I'm sorry for all the times I've been pissy or short-tempered. I guess I wasn't considering the distant fact that we could have been separated some day, and I know you might never read this, but if you do, I want you to understand, from the bottom of my heart, I'm so sorry for everything bad I've ever done to you._

_Still…I suppose all good things must come to an end._

_And now, as I sit in silence, contemplating this pitiful excuse for an eulogy, I don't know what more to say. I've accepted an invitation from one of the best guilds in Bera, and as I reach my final goal, Level 80, I'll sit back, take a breath, and reminisce on those times we spent together, and I hope that you all reach your goal, like I did, someday, and perhaps, maybe, we'll meet again, and we won't forget each other, and we'll exchange pleasantries, just like before._

_Goodbye, Ascension. I'll never forget you._

_R.I.P. Ascension, 10/03/06 - 12/9/06_

_-ZerPheonix74_

**Note: Also, while I'm on the subject, I am sorry to say that one of my best friends, Patpat06, left MapleStory yesterday. Maybe you've heard about it. In any case, I wish to thank this truly great individual for being my role model ever since I was level 50, for all the helpful advice and favors, and for selling me my crappy-but-sexy Dark Arund.**

**Regular updates will probably return about next week. Thanks for holding out on me.**

**The level 79 ranger who is now going to work overtime to hit 80,**

**-Zer**


End file.
